Shrinking from a bully isn’t ‘playing nice’
Nobody talks about the real damage bullying does.
Everyone focuses on the moment. The words, the shove, the humiliation. But that's not what stays with us.
What stays with us is the habit it teaches. Get small. Stay quiet. Don't stand out, don't speak up, don't give anyone a reason to come at you again. That habit doesn't end when the bullying ends. It just moves in and runs our whole life.
Like many, I live with CPTSD. That's the clinical name for what years of bullying, and everything after it, left behind. Some days it's quiet. Some days it isn't. I'm not going to pretend I've got it all figured out, because I don't. I still catch myself shrinking while the old habit still tries to run the show.
Here's my honest opinion, and I know it's not a popular one.
The "Be nice" culture isn't kindness. A lot of the time, it's just bullying that's trying to finish the job. It taught us to keep the peace at our own expense and call it virtue.
I'm not fully done shrinking. I don't know that anyone with a story like mine ever fully is. But I've stopped pretending it's not there, and I keep choosing to take up space anyway, one day, one boundary at a time.
Boundaries aren't mean. Boundaries are what you build while you're still learning not to disappear.
If you're still bracing, still shrinking, still calling it nice, I want you to know we are allowed to stop. Even if it takes us the rest of our lives to get all the way there.
If bullying is happening in the workplace or to your kids in school...never pretend that it will go away. It won't. Be proactive and find out what's happening. Support the ones who are being bullied.
If this resonates, share it. Someone in your circle needs to read it today.
You are seen. You are worthy. And you are so much stronger than you know. 
Bent by the storm. Still rooted. Still here. 
